Don’t put all your eggs in one Dumpster

Don_t put all your eggs in one DumpsterIt was late Thursday morning, and it was already sweltering. We were working at our largest account — a shopping center anchored by a supermarket.

There were no lawns to mow or weeds to pull here. Instead, the job consisted of each of us combing the property and picking up trash.

And man, was there always a ton of trash.

We’d each lug a plastic container behind us, and by the time we’d return to the truck, it’d be overflowing with shopping bags, soda cans, beer bottles, cigarette butts, soiled diapers, used needles.

“I really need to get paid more,” I mumbled, dropping a flat, run-over cat into my container.

I was walking the perimeter of the supermarket and approaching my least-favorite area: the overflowing Dumpsters in the back alley. They always reeked of rotting food, and garbage blew everywhere in an endless whirlpool.

As I approached the nearest Dumpster, I saw a pair of legs poking out, wiggling. As I grew closer, warily clutching my trash container, I saw that they belonged to Crew Leader Carl.

“Hey!” he said, wrenching himself out of the Dumpster. He was holding a carton of eggs. “Look what I found! They must be throwing out food today. I found a whole dozen eggs, and they’ve only been expired for a week!”

My stomach turned. “Boss, it’s ninety degrees out here!”

“So what?” Carl said. “It’s not like they’re refrigerated when they pop out of the chicken. You need to learn where your food comes from, pal.”

“Well, I know where it doesn’t come from,” I said. “The supermarket Dumpster.”

16 thoughts on “Don’t put all your eggs in one Dumpster

  1. tippysmom2

    Oh my! First off, I would NOT want your job. I will pick up the trash along my road sometimes, but would not want to do it every week or so. Why do people think it is okay to throw a dirty baby diaper in the parking lot? That’s just gross. I did recently read an article about dumpster diving for food. Some people, who aren’t homeless, do it just to save money and this article explained what types of food were safe to get and when to go…because they do actually throw away good food if they have too much of it. However, I can’t imagine doing that unless I was desperate. And, I don’t think eggs would be one of the things that I would get. (A friend was looking for donations for a charity reception. One store gave her boxes of the single serving Pringles because there had been a mistake in printing the box. It said they expired in 2016, but it was really 2018 – as each serving said. But, because it was printed on the box, they couldn’t sale them and either had to give them away or throw them away.)

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    1. The Lawn-Cutting Crew Post author

      It’s amazing how much garbage collects in supermarket parking lots. We’ll start the job with an empty trash container, and by the time we’re finished, it’s packed so full that we have to shake it to empty the garbage into the truck. It sloops out like cranberry sauce sliding out of a can. Every shrub seems to collect an endless array of paper plates, shredded magazines and cigarette butts.

      It’s nice when you can find a deal on perfectly good food, like the mislabeled Pringles. But those eggs that Carl found? Yuck! I think I’d rather have burned toast for breakfast than those things!

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      1. tippysmom2

        Hahaha “Rather have burnt toast.” I hate burnt toast too! At least, with it, you can scrape off the burnt and still eat it and it’s not too bad. Those eggs though! Toxic!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The Lawn-Cutting Crew Post author

        The mere thought of him eating those eggs made me feel queasy the rest of the day. He kept the carton beside him in the truck, on top of his lunchbox, and every time I looked at it, I had to look away….

        Liked by 1 person

    1. The Lawn-Cutting Crew Post author

      He was so giddy, too, like he’d found a cauldron of gold coins at the end of a rainbow. He said was going to fry them with sausage for breakfast the next morning.

      I only hope the sausage came from somewhere hygienic — like the refrigerator. 😐

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      1. The Lawn-Cutting Crew Post author

        Ha! I half-expected Carl to call in sick the next day, but to my shock, he showed up and seemed fine.

        Of course, he subsists on a diet of cigarettes, hamburgers and gin — so he must have the stomach of a goat. He could probably eat a tin can for dinner and not even flinch.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. The Lawn-Cutting Crew Post author

        There has to be a better way. I wouldn’t wish working with Carl on my worst enemy!

        Which is a little confusing, because Carl is my worst enemy. So that means I wouldn’t wish Carl working with himself.

        I think I discovered a paradox in the space-time continuum!

        Liked by 1 person

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