Finding the perfect candidate

The Lawn-Cutting Crew is a humor fiction blog. It's sort of like a comic strip, but without the drawings. It offers self-contained chapters and lots of laughs.

We were down a guy, so Benito posted the open position online. Within a day, he received an application. Crew Leader Carl asked me to sit in on the interview.

We used the conference room next door to Benito’s office. By “conference room,” I mean an office furnished with a single plastic table and folding chairs on either side. The room was stuffy and reeked of stale cigar smoke.

Crew Leader Carl and I sat on one side of the table, and a man in bib overalls sat on the other. A toothpick dangled from the side of his mouth, and he sat slouched with his arms crossed.

“OK,” Crew Leader Carl said, holding a clipboard and pen like the high-level recruiter he was. “I just need to ask you some questions to determine if you’re qualified.” 

“Shoot.” The man snorted as if he were going to hawk a wad of phlegm. But given the professional nature of the situation, he swallowed it, instead. 

“Do you know the difference between a two-stroke and a four-stroke engine?” Carl asked.

“Nope.”

“Do you have any experience operating heavy equipment?”

“Nope.”

“Do you have a commercial driver’s license?”

“Nope.”

“Do you know the difference between an annual and a perennial?”

“Nope.”

“Can you name five shrubs that are native to the area?”

“Nope.”

“Do you have any knowledge of fertilizers, herbicides or pesticides?” 

“Nope.” 

“Are you willing to work for minimum wage?”

The man shrugged. “Sure.”

Carl stood up and pumped the man’s hand. “Congratulations! The job is yours! You start Monday morning.” 

Author: Allen

I’m a humorist and fiction writer, as well as the author of two books. One is a collection of humor, and one is a collection of short stories. Both books are available on Amazon. I always wanted to write a comic strip, but I can’t draw. Not even a stick-person. So that’s why “The Lawn-Cutting Crew” is a comic strip without drawings. I hope you enjoy!

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