Lime-flavored wuss water 

The Lawn-Cutting Crew is a humor fiction blog. It's sort of like a comic strip, but without the drawings. It offers self-contained chapters and lots of laughs.

We were all in the truck, driving between jobs. My lunchbox was nestled at my feet, so I reached in a grabbed a Perrier.

Crew Leader Carl glared at me through the rearview mirror. “What in the world is that?”

I held up the can. “A lime-flavored Perrier.”

“Perrier?” he said, blowing a stream of cigarette smoke. “You actually drink that frilly stuff?”

“It’s good,” I said. “It’s carbonated. It’s lime. It’s delicious.”

Carl glowered. “It’s wuss water. Why can’t you drink regular water like a man?”

“I do drink regular water,” I said. “But this has an extra kick to it that’s deeply refreshing. It’s like drinking a soda, but without all the sugar and calories.”

“What are you, a woman?” Carl asked. “Who cares about sugar and calories?”

“I do! I want to stay physically fit.”

“You stay physically fit by working. Look at me! I drink a case of beer each night, and I’m in awesome shape.”

“You were retching in the shop bathroom this morning before work,” I pointed out.

“I wasn’t retching!” Carl said. “I was clearing my throat. I was hoarse when I woke up this morning.”

“Probably from all that retching,” I said. 

In an instant, Carl reached behind the seat, wrenched the Perrier from my hands, and chucked it out the window.

I sat there for a moment, stunned. We continued to drive in silence.

It took me a moment to get my bearings. “What did you do that for?”

“Shut up, you whiny pipsqueak,” Carl said.

“You threw my drink out the window!” I said. “What gives? Are you moody because you’re hung over? Is that it?”

“So what if I am?” Carl asked. “What are you going to do about it?” 

I stared at him with my mouth hanging open.

“That’s right — nothing!” He turned in his seat. “And that just proves my point. You’re a wuss!” 

We drove in silence for a couple of moments.

“Yeah,” I said finally, shaking some sense into myself. “I can form no rebuttal to overcome your ironclad argument.”

“That’s because you’re a wuss,” Carl said. 

Author: Allen

I’m a humorist and fiction writer, as well as the author of two books. One is a collection of humor, and one is a collection of short stories. Both books are available on Amazon. I always wanted to write a comic strip, but I can’t draw. Not even a stick-person. So that’s why “The Lawn-Cutting Crew” is a comic strip without drawings. I hope you enjoy!

%d bloggers like this: