Prices are going up

The Lawn-Cutting Crew is a humor fiction blog. It's sort of like a comic strip, but without the drawings. It offers self-contained chapters and lots of laughs.

It was a beautiful morning, with lots of sun and a slight breeze. We were working at one of our residential accounts — a prestigious, two-story home in a golf-course community.

I was deadheading perennials in the front planter when the front door opened and closed, and the potbellied homeowner came plodding down the stairs.

“I have a question,” he said, lumbering toward me.

“Sure,” I said, standing up. I wiped my dirty hands on my jeans. “How can I help you?”

The man waved a piece of paper in my face. “I have a bone to pick with your company. My bill skyrocketed last month, and I want to know why!”

“Oh,” I said. “If it’s a billing question, then I need to refer you to my foreman, Crew Leader Carl. He’s the expert in these situations.”

“Good,” the homeowner said. “Then refer me to the expert.” 

I turned and yelled, “Carl! This guy’s got a question!”

Carl wandered over, his shoulder-length hair blowing back in the breeze, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

The homeowner frowned. “You’re the foreman?”

“Carl’s the subject-matter expert when it comes to billing and invoices,” I said, wearing a bright smile. 

“We’ll see about that,” the homeowner said. He shoved the paper into Carl’s hand. “Take a look at that! It’s last month’s bill. You’ll see that it increased 5 percent in one month alone, and I want to know why!”

“Let’s take a look at that,” Carl said. He held the paper close, scrutinizing it with squinted eyes.

The homeowner’s nostrils flared. “Well?”

Carl took a drag off his cigarette and blew the smoke out slowly. “If I remember correctly, I believe prices increased across the board last month. The company owner raised them to pay for new vehicles.”

“New vehicles?” The homeowner motioned to our truck and trailer, which were parked at the curb. “That’s not a new vehicle! That’s an early-’80s Ford, and I can see from here that one of the headlight’s is busted, the back window’s cracked, there’s a huge dent in the side, and the paint is all peeling and rusted. And who knows what shape the engine’s in!” 

“I’m sorry — you misunderstood me,” Carl said. “I didn’t mean new vehicles for the company. We’re all still driving around the same 40-year-old trucks. I meant new vehicles for the owner himself. See, he and his wife bought matching Escalades last month.” 

Author: Allen

I’m a humorist and fiction writer, as well as the author of two books. One is a collection of humor, and one is a collection of short stories. Both books are available on Amazon. I always wanted to write a comic strip, but I can’t draw. Not even a stick-person. So that’s why “The Lawn-Cutting Crew” is a comic strip without drawings. I hope you enjoy!

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