When life gives you lemons 

The Lawn-Cutting Crew is a humor fiction blog. It's sort of like a comic strip, but without the drawings. It offers self-contained chapters and lots of laughs.

We had just completed a residential job and were loading our tools into the trailer. 

And by “loading,” I mean that we crammed the mowers together in the back, then tossed the shovels, rakes, trashcans and weed-whackers on top of them. 

“No point in organizing things like an interior decorator,” Crew Leader Carl always said, dispensing savory nuggets from his vast repository of incisive knowledge.  “We’re just going to unload them at the next job, anyway.” 

We climbed into the truck and tore off. As usual, Crew Leader Carl was driving. 

We barreled down the quiet neighborhood street, the trailer swinging behind us. As we approached the subdivision’s entrance, we saw two little girls sitting on the street corner behind a cardboard box. Atop the box sat a couple of plastic pitchers and a stack of cups, and on the side of the box — in colorful crayon — they had scrawled “Lemonade, $2.”

When the girls saw us approaching, they jumped from their chairs and started waving frantically.

“Ah, that’s cute,” said Stan, who was sitting next to me in the back. “We should stop and buy some.”

“Forget that,” Carl said. “Who wants their crappy old lemonade? They probably dunked their dirty hands in it!”

Seeing that we weren’t slowing down, one of the girls jumped into the street, blocking our path. Carl slammed on the brakes, coming to a skidding stop. All of our disorganized tools bounced around in the back of the trailer. 

“Dammit!” Carl yelled, punching the steering wheel. “What the hell?”

The girl immediately appeared at his window. The other girl appeared at the passenger-side window, where Francisco was sitting.

“Please, sir,” the girl said. “Would you like to buy a glass of lemonade?”

“They’re only two dollars each,” the other girl said, smiling earnestly. 

“I’ll buy one,” Stan said, reaching for his wallet.

“Put your money away!” Carl said, snarling. He stuck his head out the window. “Now you listen to me!” he said, pointing at the girl. “No one wants your putrid old lemonade! Sitting in the hot sun like that, it’s probably teeming with bacteria! How do we know if it’s sanitary? Did you wash your hands before cutting the lemons? Huh? Did you? Now you listen to me: No one wants your gross, disgusting, room-temperature swill. If I want a cold drink, I can get a sterile one at the convenience store for half the price! What do you think about that?”

Both of the girls ran off, sobbing. Carl put the truck in gear and sped off down the highway.

We drove in silence for a while. Finally, Stan said, “Don’t you think you were a little hard on them, Boss?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You probably forever destroyed their dream of becoming independent business owners.” 

“Good!” Carl said. “Better me than the government. With all the red tape it takes to start a business these days, I probably saved them tons of money and years of frustration!” 

Stan and I looked at each other.

“Well,” I said, grimacing, “I guess that’s one way of looking at it.”

“Exactly,” Carl said. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. That’s what I always say!” 

Author: Allen

I’m a humorist and fiction writer, as well as the author of two books. One is a collection of humor, and one is a collection of short stories. Both books are available on Amazon. I always wanted to write a comic strip, but I can’t draw. Not even a stick-person. So that’s why “The Lawn-Cutting Crew” is a comic strip without drawings. I hope you enjoy!

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