It was Saturday night, around eight. My girlfriend and I were spending the evening with our friends, Ed and Lori, at their downtown apartment.
Well, they weren’t our friends, per se. I only knew Ed and Lori through my girlfriend, Joanne. Joanne knew Lori from work, and Lori had been insisting that we have dinner at their place sometime.
When Joanne had brought up the idea, I dramatically rolled my eyes and moaned, “Do we have to?”
Joanne narrowed her eyes. “Yes, we do. We have no social life to speak of anymore, because you never want to go out at night.”
“That’s because I’m always tired and sunburned from working outdoors all week,” I said. “This landscaping job is killing me. I can’t party like I used to.”
Joanne glared at me, her hands on her hips. “Peter, you’ve never partied. You think a wild night is staying up till nine to watch a Joy of Painting rerun.”
“I know, and because of this job, I can’t even do that anymore,” I said. “I end up nodding off on the couch. Bob Ross has a very relaxing voice, you know.”
“Well, we’re accepting Ed and Lori’s invitation,” Joanne said. “You need to get out and socialize with other human beings.”
“I socialize at work every day,” I said.
Joanne shook her head. “I mean with normal people, Peter. Normal people. Those oafs on the lawn-cutting crew don’t count. You said they light their farts with matches.”
“Yeah, but only after work at the shop,” I said. “They know not to do it in front of customers anymore.”