Frequently Asked Questions

What is The Lawn-Cutting Crew?

The Lawn-Cutting Crew is a humorous fiction blog. It’s an ongoing story that’s intended to make you laugh. It’s sort of like a sitcom, but without the cameras — or a comic strip, but without the drawings. In fact, it’s more like a comic strip than a sitcom. It has the same basic premise, which is an ongoing story told in short installments. (Plus, sitcoms cost more to produce, and they feature famous actors as opposed to unknown humor writers.)

An ongoing story? So that means I have to start from the beginning and work my way forward? I can’t just jump right in? Because if I can’t just jump right in, then forget it. I have better ways to spend my time. I could re-watch all the episodes of Friends, or something like that.

I always enjoyed Friends. I wouldn’t blame you for skipping my blog to watch it. In fact, wasn’t the series streaming on Amazon Prime not too long ago? 

Hey! I’m the one asking the Frequently Asked Questions. See how my comments are in bold? That means I’m in charge. You work for me.

Oh, sorry. You’re right. So … where were we?

Pay attention when I’m talking to you. What I asked was, if The Lawn-Cutting Crew is an ongoing story, does that mean I have to start at the beginning, or can I jump right in?

No, jump right in! Each chapter is self-contained, so you can start with the latest post and read all subsequent posts, if you like. There’s no need to start at the beginning (unless you want to, of course). It’s like reading a Beetle Bailey strip once every eight months. You don’t have to follow it every day.

Hey, I like Beetle Bailey, and I do read it every day. Don’t try to compare your work to Beetle Bailey. You don’t even have a speck of Mort Walker’s talent, you know!

Actually, I think his sons write the strip now. Sadly, Mort Walker is no longer with us.

What’s that?

Nothing. Sorry.

Did you say that one of my beloved heroes is no longer with us? Are you serious? I didn’t come here for bad news! What kind of a monster are you?

I’m so sorry. We should probably move on. Did you have any more frequently asked questions? Or even an infrequently asked question?

Yeah. I got one. Why do a comic strip in written format? Why not just do a comic strip? Why do you have to be all different and stuff?

Because have you seen me draw? My art looks the same now as it did when I was 2. In fact, with my fingers all gnarled from writing my whole life, it might even be worse. Besides, a written format seemed like a fun idea. I wrote a text comic strip in junior high, and it was a really awesome experience. I always wanted to try it again.

Junior high?

No, the text comic strip. Junior high was horrible. I was socially awkward, and I couldn’t get a date. (Come to think of it, nothing much has changed.)

What’s The Lawn Cutting Crew about?

That’s a good question for the About page.

I’m asking you.

Again, check out the About page. I wrote it. If I say so myself, it provides a very insightful summary.

However, because I’m writing as much for the search engines as I am for actual people, I want to make the point that this is a humor blog. In fact, let me repeat that a couple of times: Humor blog. Humor blog. Humor blog. This is a blog with humorous content. It’s intended to be funny, insightful, witty, satirical, amusing, laugh-out-loud … and … well, whatever other search-engine-friendly keywords you can think of.

I think whatever readers you might have had have tuned out by now … not to mention the search engines.

You’re probably right. Marketing isn’t my greatest strength.

And neither is humor writing, apparently.

Wow. Thanks. I appreciate that. Any more questions?

Sure. Do you have any other writing that I can check out?

Are you serious? No one ever asks that.

I’m just trying to be polite. I don’t really care.

Well, as a matter of fact, I have written a couple of books. They’re both for sale on Amazon.

Really? You probably should have mentioned that before all your readers tuned out. Next time, I’d advise promoting your books at the top of the article.

Thanks. I’ll try to remember that.

So, where can I learn more about them?

About what?

Your books!

Oh. Right. Check out the Books page.

I’m asking you.

Again, check out the Books page. I wrote that one as well. Should I list out some more search-engine-friendly keywords?

No, please don’t. That joke wasn’t even funny the first time.

Oh, really? I thought I struck comic gold there.

No. It’s more like you struck out.

Was that a question? Remember, this is an FAQ page. Your responses must be in the form of a question.

Oh, right. So, do you ever shamelessly use the blog to promote your books?

I do, albeit very occasionally — and without shame.

Do you publish anything on this blog besides episodes of The Lawn-Cutting Crew?

Occasionally, I’ll post a personal essay or a humor column unrelated to The Lawn-Cutting Crew story. I’ll make sure to designate these posts with an “Author Blog” header so that they’re obvious.

And so that readers can skip them, if they want?

Well, I wish they wouldn’t. But sure, if that’s what they want to do, I can’t stop them. Feel free to ignore my “Author Blog” posts, if it makes you happy.

It does. One more question. Are you single?

Are you serious? Because no one ever asks that, either.

Ha ha! No, of course I’m not serious. You’re socially awkward, and you spend your spare time writing a humor blog. Do the math.

Believe me, I have … and it hasn’t added up to much. That’s why I encourage readers to buy my books. Every little bit counts.

Oh, I see. So you’re just in it for the money, and not the comedy. Is that it?

I hate to say it, but yeah. I’m all for comedy, but writing for free is no laughing matter. Speaking of which, did I mention my Books page?

You did. Like, three times already.

Oh, good. Because you should really check it out. Here’s the link. Amazon accepts credit cards.